Thinking back to when I was a little girl I can remember first wanting to be a mom. My sisters and I played mom and daughter for years. We would play in our playhouses, woods, and rooms. We cooked dinner, fed our baby dolls and occasionally little sister who was our "sweetie." We also were wives to imaginary husbands. We played with our kids and cooked dinner. We made wonderful salads from the luscious green grass and leaves outside. We bought from the grocery store and visited our other neighbors. We were on our way to being the best moms and wives ever and we were only six and seven years old.
When I reached my teens I had moved on to other aspirations. Minding my time with thoughts that flooded my head. I was to have a job that I enjoyed and that made good money. I loved art and thought I'd be an artist and sell my art. Culinary arts maybe. I would cook and bake my heart out clean. And only embrace the feeling of flour on my face with a smile. A teacher would be a good job. Respectable and acceptable. Well also my heart was always with the mission field. It started with a nice walk with the idea for adventure in another "world." Today I still long for that adventure. But it grew from that to a call to the widows, orphans, and forgotten children. I would be a missionary and in a storm of heroism breathe life to them. But I still needed a respectable career. There was no getting around fulfilling my role as a young modern-day woman. I was to choose a job. So I started college because that was the correct and respectable step. Today I plan to get my degree so that I may be a registered dietitian. With this degree I can work in hospitals, health departments, on the field and have a better knowledge of nutrition. All of it sounds fine and accurate. But was it a desire provoked by the weighing expectations of this world?
If you really know me you know that I love to cook and bake. Serving others at mealtime and washing the dishes when everyone is done. In the bible we read about Ruth. Ruth made a home for her mother-in-law and she cared for her. This was after her husband died. She's a prime example of the love I desire to be saturated with. She was a servant. Her time and concerns were not for herself but for others. And so she cared for her mother-in-law and made her a home.
Saying all of the above, I was still not fulfilled. What was missing? I couldn't place it. I questioned myself, asking "Is this what your heart really wants? Is this where you find fulfillment?" I took a burden on my shoulders that doubled as a role. There were a million and two eyes looking at me to make sure I didn't end up in the slums of a career less life. "Get a good education, job, and house..." I've heard everything. And these opinions gave the impression that my heart's desire had no chance of survival.
Now to that desire. When I look back at the innocent heart of my youth I find a surprise. An old loved friend, a kindred spirit who knew me best. Knew me best and never left. Her voice had only become a muffled yell.
She had her sweet children in hand and her husband along her side. With an imaginary kiss to the air, her beloved husband, prince in shining armor and Superman all wrapped in one she sent him off to work. Her heart was at home. She used her gifts and talents there at home. She read to her children the Good Book. She taught them games, and how to run, swim and play. She watched her children play while she and her friend talked over tea. And when her husband arrived home they ate together as a family.
Oh God, I see now. By the pleasures of this world I am told to take a sword and pen to the battlefield. Fighting for equal pay at a job where women wear trousers and men shake their hand firmly. Maybe I find fulfillment in folding laundry, washing dishes, cooking, cleaning, and being a servant. When did this become a step down from the best? A women who chooses this over her own boutique has now taken three steps back. This woman is not living in the norm or mainstream but she is living her heart's desire. She is impacting the lives of those around her and making a home for a new generation.
This is not to say that I cannot go to school and get a degree. By no means am I saying that my only role is to be a mother, wife and helper. However I do want to give a blessing to those who are. God bless you in the name of Jesus Christ, "the wife of noble character." My eyes look up to you who work vigorously with your hands at home. You are blessed.
This world's expectations are not the desire of my heart, nor every woman's. The Lord has shown me that the desire of my heart is to be a mother and a wife. Despite the worlds input and fight He has shown me that it is a role to be honored.
Proverbs 31:10-11, 17, 25-26 & 29
"A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: "Many woman do noble things but you surpass them all."
Be encouraged. This is God!
