I stayed close to my pillow to catch the fall of heavy eyelids. I thought deeply as I rested my bones. Most of my thoughts were of the somber nature. I did in my search of self-feeling find something out about myself. C.S. Lewis in "Mere Christianity" talks about man and his role and his correct disposition. As Christians we are called to be salt to this earth and a light to the world. In fact our lives should reflect and therefore replicate the life of Christ. This is not a happening that comes over night or a special, particular, no corner cutting prayer. It is not something that you purchase with the wealth of tears. It is the deposit of the Savior of souls. And after we have that deposit sin is still so present. Sin is still available and near. Oh the way of the Christian! Then we are tempted even more so and tried. Through this can character and a life be built if we persevere. God being present and alive in our souls will lessen the darkness that is in us. And in the end we will be perfected.
When we accept His call we change in a most God way. God way... What I mean is this, it is unexplainable and profound. It is not a doing of human hands but of the one true God and Father of our lives. So we know there is a change in us. How are we to be a light in the darkness and salt to this tasteless life? We are given a command by Jesus in the New Testament. Jesus said "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength. The second is equally important. Love your neighbor as yourself." Love! Love is this. "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Jesus said, "Love your neighbor as yourself." This is where my discovery was made. First I will present a question before I go on. How can you love your neighbor with this extravagant love if you do not first love yourself? From "The Life of the Beloved" Henri J.M. Nouwen says this, "When our deepest truth is that we are the Beloved (Chosen, blessed, broken and given) and when our greatest joy and peace comes from fully claiming that truth, it follows that this is to be become visible and tangible in the way we eat, drink, talk and love, play and work" This is knowing we are the Beloved and claiming its power and humbly accepting its gift.
To my Father these words I spoke, "I do not love myself." I am therefore not capable of loving the sheep of His pasture. I should rephrase, I do not love myself as I ought. There are more times I am mad at myself for my behavior or the lack there of a good one. And more times where I am trying to earn peace and love. I walk those sorrowful paths, and more so than those where I am claiming the love my Father freely gives. It is working hard to say that I am of meaning and have a purpose. A purpose that grips the love I so desperately need and desire. In the end I find myself asleep in His light and still searching in dark dreams for His heart (my purpose). My heart desires to be and do anything great that He allows me to. This is true! But I haven't known, truly known His love. I have not been able to truly love Him, who loves me, and gives me the power to love other's.
I am convinced that this is a story many can relate to. My request of the Lord is that I would be picked up by His hands and brought to his heart. In the shadow of His wings am I in my place of purpose. only in the lifetime when I truly know His love can I love myself. And only then will I be able to love other's. Not the love like the world gives and portrays. His extravagant, deep, wide, bountiful, filling and purposeful love.
He freely give to all who ask. "When you seek me you will find me, when you seek me with all your heart." I pray that you will find His love for you. Israel Houghton says this, "I will search for you and I will find you. I will find you with all my heart." Rest in Him. Let His love break you and give you intimate comfort.
Your journey starts there, in the knowledge that you are the beloved. Purpose is yours! This is life! This is God! Grace and peace be yours today and in the days to come.
Sarah Jane
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Monday, June 8, 2009
Friendship
It seems that we are all fighting to be who we know we should be... That is humorous to me because what are we suppose to be? I feel lost in small a world compacted of anyone but someone to relate to. Personal relationship is a beautiful blessing. Many of us have a network of friends and people to share with. Some choose to have many acquaintances but few true friends.
What is a friend? Someone who sheds light in the darkness. In fact they shed light in your darkest places. They are there when walking is most joyous and laugh with you. But a true friend is also present when you are falling and getting up only come after falling many more times. Relationship is hard and sometimes it seems unbearable.
Sounds like life to me. In my opinion, I feel it would be much easier to go through life with a friend. I´ve tried the solo flight and I have found it´s much easier to have a second pilot. This life has shown me that I mess things up more when I arrogantly try it on my own. I make mistakes because I don´t have a second opinion or the right opinion. I found that I avoid things maybe I´ll never know I missed.
The lack of a friend, or of a good and true friend is a pitiful thought.
Imagining a relationship now, I see two swords. These two swords are sharpening each other in the most painful, elated, and Holy way. More is to come from the one sword now that it has been prepared. Can you see even more coming from the two? Together side by side they reflect discipline, honor, love and readiness. They are ready in season for any battle.
God has blessed me with the ability to be a friend. I am to be a true friend. My responsibility is to keep my friend walking on the path of light for the glory of God. Our call, rather, is to be selfless in whole. My friend´s life is of wonder in the aspect of importance. The call is to worry less of our own interest and more on the interests of others. God will take care of you. He is the Master creator of you and me. He calls us to act and do because He knows how we work the best.
This is a call to your spirit and mine. Let us rise to the call of friendship. We are not alone. Let each man for himself be better for the greatness and destiny of his neighbor.
My thought for you is, be strengthened. You are a friend to those who call themselves friendless.
This is life! This is God!
Sarah Jane
What is a friend? Someone who sheds light in the darkness. In fact they shed light in your darkest places. They are there when walking is most joyous and laugh with you. But a true friend is also present when you are falling and getting up only come after falling many more times. Relationship is hard and sometimes it seems unbearable.
Sounds like life to me. In my opinion, I feel it would be much easier to go through life with a friend. I´ve tried the solo flight and I have found it´s much easier to have a second pilot. This life has shown me that I mess things up more when I arrogantly try it on my own. I make mistakes because I don´t have a second opinion or the right opinion. I found that I avoid things maybe I´ll never know I missed.
The lack of a friend, or of a good and true friend is a pitiful thought.
Imagining a relationship now, I see two swords. These two swords are sharpening each other in the most painful, elated, and Holy way. More is to come from the one sword now that it has been prepared. Can you see even more coming from the two? Together side by side they reflect discipline, honor, love and readiness. They are ready in season for any battle.
God has blessed me with the ability to be a friend. I am to be a true friend. My responsibility is to keep my friend walking on the path of light for the glory of God. Our call, rather, is to be selfless in whole. My friend´s life is of wonder in the aspect of importance. The call is to worry less of our own interest and more on the interests of others. God will take care of you. He is the Master creator of you and me. He calls us to act and do because He knows how we work the best.
This is a call to your spirit and mine. Let us rise to the call of friendship. We are not alone. Let each man for himself be better for the greatness and destiny of his neighbor.
My thought for you is, be strengthened. You are a friend to those who call themselves friendless.
This is life! This is God!
Sarah Jane
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Patience
Patience is key as we wait for the unknown but long expected. When you are following, truly following, God you have laid everything on the line. I have ambitions, dreams, thoughts of what I hope to be and have. We all do! But our life is not our own. We were bought with a price. Following God means laying dormant, until He calls to awake exactly His will and in His timing.
Relationship´s should completely be grown in the soil of His creation. I read in the bible, ¨Oh daughters of jerusalem, a charge you! Do not awaken love until it so desires.¨ This meaning, do not by your own actions, thoughts, dreams and daydreams awaken your heart to wonder of love. This verse is directed to women, however, young men listen. Wisdom is on the table, have your fill and prosper.
We have a role to play while single. It is not to play the field, because this is not a game. We are not to impatiently fill ourselves with meaningless relationships until our time (His time) has come. No! This is a time for preparation and service alone to God.
Investing time, emotions, seclusion, and oneness into someone is not laying dormant. Leaving curiosity to wonder is far from waiting on Him. When they are on time and in season are they good. And only good then.
¨Waiting silently is the hardest thing of all. I was dying to talk to Jim and about him. But things that we feel most deeply we ought to learn to be silent about, at least until we have talked them over thoroughly with God.¨
-Elisabeth Elliot, from ¨Passion and Purity¨
We are on a great ride with grand beauty for a destination. We know not but that we are in His hands. So we must wait patiently and not settle for a passing town of eye catching attractions.
I heard this one time, long in the past and it stuck with me. ¨The best comes to those who leave the choice up to Him.¨ I believe this with all my heart. Though, I am aware that remembering the quote is easier than putting it into action. I must still press on. It is true, whole, and pure.
Distraction will accompany your walk in the most pressured forms. However hard you are pressed remember that the reward is worth the walk. We all want to have the best and we never want to settle. The best is who God places in our hand and heart to walk with on this journey. Do not settle for what is at hand. Remember that keeping your love asleep is keeping your heart for your love. Blessing comes with sacrifice. Though the road may be hard...we must persevere.
¨Steadfastness, that is holding on; patience, that is holding back; expectancy, that is holding the face up; obedience, that is holding one´s self in readiness to go or do; listening, that is holding quiet and still so as to hear.¨
S.D. Gordon, ¨Quiet Talks on Prayer¨
Hold out for the Best!
May God bless you and keep you.
Sarah Jane
Relationship´s should completely be grown in the soil of His creation. I read in the bible, ¨Oh daughters of jerusalem, a charge you! Do not awaken love until it so desires.¨ This meaning, do not by your own actions, thoughts, dreams and daydreams awaken your heart to wonder of love. This verse is directed to women, however, young men listen. Wisdom is on the table, have your fill and prosper.
We have a role to play while single. It is not to play the field, because this is not a game. We are not to impatiently fill ourselves with meaningless relationships until our time (His time) has come. No! This is a time for preparation and service alone to God.
Investing time, emotions, seclusion, and oneness into someone is not laying dormant. Leaving curiosity to wonder is far from waiting on Him. When they are on time and in season are they good. And only good then.
¨Waiting silently is the hardest thing of all. I was dying to talk to Jim and about him. But things that we feel most deeply we ought to learn to be silent about, at least until we have talked them over thoroughly with God.¨
-Elisabeth Elliot, from ¨Passion and Purity¨
We are on a great ride with grand beauty for a destination. We know not but that we are in His hands. So we must wait patiently and not settle for a passing town of eye catching attractions.
I heard this one time, long in the past and it stuck with me. ¨The best comes to those who leave the choice up to Him.¨ I believe this with all my heart. Though, I am aware that remembering the quote is easier than putting it into action. I must still press on. It is true, whole, and pure.
Distraction will accompany your walk in the most pressured forms. However hard you are pressed remember that the reward is worth the walk. We all want to have the best and we never want to settle. The best is who God places in our hand and heart to walk with on this journey. Do not settle for what is at hand. Remember that keeping your love asleep is keeping your heart for your love. Blessing comes with sacrifice. Though the road may be hard...we must persevere.
¨Steadfastness, that is holding on; patience, that is holding back; expectancy, that is holding the face up; obedience, that is holding one´s self in readiness to go or do; listening, that is holding quiet and still so as to hear.¨
S.D. Gordon, ¨Quiet Talks on Prayer¨
Hold out for the Best!
May God bless you and keep you.
Sarah Jane
Monday, June 1, 2009
സെലെബ്രതിംഗ് ബൌടിഫുല് Culture
This Sunday I was a witnedd to a church of foreign and American Christians. My bilingual extent was short. Every few words I would recognize one though. Nonetheless I was more than content to drink in this beautiful culture and language. Seeing my face you would take me lost in smiles and wonder.
Frustration played a nagging role, however. But determination was right along side. I want to know their language. I want to be apart of this large family centered circle of love! I have to learn... So, off to speakin´what I know and laughing with a lesson when I mess up. They are gracious though, and at least I can make them smile even though with flustered cheeks.
The people at the Marbut´s church are Sucua residents and also from the Shuar villages. They are saved, living for Christ and running with a purpose. Because someone led them to the straight and narrow.
Sunday they reached out to their community, presenting ministry opportunities. Wow! Booth after booth of food and colors, balloons and odds of many uses. I had never heard or seen of all the food I accepted. Through some I was familiar with. I won´t attempt to give you the names but I will explain to you what they possessed.
Leah called me from across from the church parking lot to dine finely with her under a tent. As I sat down I looked happily at my plate. A beautiful yellow, corn meal wrap with chicken, and seasoned with peppers maybe. This was my first taste of Sucuan hospitality. It was cooked in a large green leaf. Beside it laid a fried, crusty and sweet bread filled with cheese. They were both delicious! I drank with this a tea-like drink sweated with brown sugarcane.
Music started above me in the sanctuary. So we all went upstairs for Sunday worship. I more than anything enjoyed quite thorouly my surrounding. I didn´t understand very much. When service ended we took our feet and stomach´s back down the steps to enjoy more food, games and singing. Leah once again sat before me a Spanish rice of sorts. Within it was steak, pork and shrimp. I could get use to this ladies and gentlemen. Nothin´like it.
She then served, with a loss of american words, a dessert like ice cream. However, it was not cold. Egg whites, blackberries and sugar whipped to perfection made this a sweet treat. This was served with a wafer of the vanilla variety. Micah and I finished the last one off. That Marbut lady wasn´t finished believe it or not. With a grateful heart I accepted more Sucua n culture saturated foods. This was cooked pork with a salad and something like soft seeds. Very good. Though, the nutritionist side of me kicked in and I didn´t eat much of the pork. I finished with fresca fruit covered with sweetened condensed milk. I do believe, though I am not for certain. Oh this was a sensational experience I will never forget.
This last Sunday took me back because of my thirsty need to quench observation. Thoughts were trapped when I danced around my summer home. Many of these booths were promoting missions! I was blessed to see them call to service those who had been touched by other missionaries. The yound girls from the hope house were dressed in dresses, they made themselves to represent China. They have a personal burden for the poeple of China. This is God!
Joil and Leah Marbut have brought me, Sarah Jane ( nineteen year old heart of crazy conglomerations and passion) to their home. As Joil said it they let me come ¨ At the most awkward time in their ministry.¨ They are moving back to the states for a year, to raise support so they can stay another four years in Sucua. I am blessed to have seen, tasted and lived in their home last Sunday. They are brought to life here in Sucua. The Marbut´s are living ¨the great adventure¨ on a narrow path. I am for the next weeks along for the ride. The ride of a lifetime.
Frustration played a nagging role, however. But determination was right along side. I want to know their language. I want to be apart of this large family centered circle of love! I have to learn... So, off to speakin´what I know and laughing with a lesson when I mess up. They are gracious though, and at least I can make them smile even though with flustered cheeks.
The people at the Marbut´s church are Sucua residents and also from the Shuar villages. They are saved, living for Christ and running with a purpose. Because someone led them to the straight and narrow.
Sunday they reached out to their community, presenting ministry opportunities. Wow! Booth after booth of food and colors, balloons and odds of many uses. I had never heard or seen of all the food I accepted. Through some I was familiar with. I won´t attempt to give you the names but I will explain to you what they possessed.
Leah called me from across from the church parking lot to dine finely with her under a tent. As I sat down I looked happily at my plate. A beautiful yellow, corn meal wrap with chicken, and seasoned with peppers maybe. This was my first taste of Sucuan hospitality. It was cooked in a large green leaf. Beside it laid a fried, crusty and sweet bread filled with cheese. They were both delicious! I drank with this a tea-like drink sweated with brown sugarcane.
Music started above me in the sanctuary. So we all went upstairs for Sunday worship. I more than anything enjoyed quite thorouly my surrounding. I didn´t understand very much. When service ended we took our feet and stomach´s back down the steps to enjoy more food, games and singing. Leah once again sat before me a Spanish rice of sorts. Within it was steak, pork and shrimp. I could get use to this ladies and gentlemen. Nothin´like it.
She then served, with a loss of american words, a dessert like ice cream. However, it was not cold. Egg whites, blackberries and sugar whipped to perfection made this a sweet treat. This was served with a wafer of the vanilla variety. Micah and I finished the last one off. That Marbut lady wasn´t finished believe it or not. With a grateful heart I accepted more Sucua n culture saturated foods. This was cooked pork with a salad and something like soft seeds. Very good. Though, the nutritionist side of me kicked in and I didn´t eat much of the pork. I finished with fresca fruit covered with sweetened condensed milk. I do believe, though I am not for certain. Oh this was a sensational experience I will never forget.
This last Sunday took me back because of my thirsty need to quench observation. Thoughts were trapped when I danced around my summer home. Many of these booths were promoting missions! I was blessed to see them call to service those who had been touched by other missionaries. The yound girls from the hope house were dressed in dresses, they made themselves to represent China. They have a personal burden for the poeple of China. This is God!
Joil and Leah Marbut have brought me, Sarah Jane ( nineteen year old heart of crazy conglomerations and passion) to their home. As Joil said it they let me come ¨ At the most awkward time in their ministry.¨ They are moving back to the states for a year, to raise support so they can stay another four years in Sucua. I am blessed to have seen, tasted and lived in their home last Sunday. They are brought to life here in Sucua. The Marbut´s are living ¨the great adventure¨ on a narrow path. I am for the next weeks along for the ride. The ride of a lifetime.
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